Offline Geek's help on friend's intro speech

One day, a friend of mine was preparing for her company's Toast master Club speech presentation. The speech was bout herself and her background. She was drafting a short speech dat was roughly 3-6 mins long. I gave her sum ideas, though it might sounded a bit nuisance:

"Once upon a time, there were a man n a woman, flirtin' with each other, lived in a planet called Pluto and once they got kissed with each other, da woman carelessly swallowed da man's saliva n within few secs later, da woman got pregnant!

After few mins later, da woman couldn't wait fr da labour of da unborn child, laid on da floor n grasped her lover's hand. She screamed, "It's gonna blow! it's gonna blow!!!". Da man was helpless and motioness. Luckily, one sympathic onlooker- who's apparently a baseball player, helped them to grab wat's blown frm da woman's womb.

Few secs later, a large-momentum new born infant were launched like a rocket from da woman's womb - it sped faster than a bullet!!!..."

I left da story unfinished. She found dat rather a nuisance story. She'd rather talk bout his bro. Hey! wat's da connection of mentioning bout his bro in her speech??!!
Well, da story seems similar as da birth of Kah-el(frm Superman Returns), but it is still a better way to introduce urself rite, Geeks?

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